Well maybe I am not the person who I always thought I was or was going to become. Nah, I do know that I am an artist, struggling yet full of life and wanting to express it through my writing and directing. I have written screenplays, both short and feature length, short stories in various levels of development and ideas that are always swimming around in my head. I don’t know if merely out of necessity or if there really is another part of me that is the business minded person. I have had to form the business entity, documents, create and write a complete business plan with financial projections, marketing and distribution strategies, statistics, market research for the motion picture industry and the segment of disabled consumer market, product distinction, product placement (both new companies looking for the opportunities and established ones that want to compete for the disabled consumer market), and how all of this can be a commercial success. I created a website, learned about html, Dreamweaver and Photoshop so I could make a site that because I couldn’t afford to pay someone I would make it look like it was done professionally to project the image of, well being professional. And then comes the part of marketing all of this and myself to the industry and business world. I have taken this marketing in every direction and covered every angle from traditional business loans, to government SBA Guarantees and programs, to individual investors, to Angel and Venture Capital groups, and when all of this failed to generate professional and financial support (as is described in detail in other blog entries and the website) I turned to the one place I knew would understand this mission and would have the best chance of support, to the motion picture and television industry. I have approached and attempted to get in contact with both the traditional studio and independent avenues contacting studio executives, from CEO’s to presidents and vice-presidents in charge of production and/or their publicity departments, independent production companies and individual producers, talent agents and agencies, and for the support of celebrities including those that for obvious reasons would have a personal interest in what I have created, all in an effort to get the financial and professional business support that this cause and mission deserve and I need to make all of this come to life.

Hope & Faith

There it is – the past 12 years of my life and my motivations to remain positive despite being paralyzed, the reasons why I wake up and get out of bed – which in itself is a miracle compared to my life as an able bodied person – all wrapped up in one cute little paragraph that I seem to be the only one who cares about it!

The backbone of all of this is hope and faith. What is it and why do some have more of it then others? I remember 18 years ago when I was merely one out of a hundred or so employees answering the phone to qualify our clients’ new employees for their company to receive a tax credit and presenting to the founder and CEO of the company a business plan for a secondary service that I knew would fit for the company. He didn’t bite but he took a moment and pushed away from his desk to look me in the eye and tell me how impressed he was with my initiative, the entrepreneurial spirit, the drive to put it all together in a very well constructed presentation, and the balls to come forth and present it to him. He said very few people have that and I thought to myself, why? It comes so naturally to me, something I just do because I believe in doing and not just talking or dreaming. Make it happen. This wasn’t the first time and neither was the time I made a complete business plan for my independent record label while I was in school at the Art Institute, and of our first album that would launch the company, a battle of the bands competition with a winning band in each of the major cities of the state of Texas to be featured on our “Best of Texas” hard rock album that I banked it all on and presented to a major corporation and first satellite music radio company who had stations all over the state and the country – who was just bought by ABC, only to have them tell me they loved the idea and would get back to me. When they didn’t and while I was following up I suddenly heard on their local radio station that they were doing it themselves – they claimed that one of their DJ’s presented them the idea before I came in! What was I suppose to do? Take them to court and face the team of corporate lawyers of ABC? Devastating but no matter it wasn’t the first time my dreams were crushed, I was disappointed at being rejected and my ideas that would rocket my company and my career were basically stolen and wouldn’t be the last. Besides I already discovered I had more passion for storytelling and expressed that by making music videos – which I began to make music video demos for unsigned bands to use instead of merely an audio cassette demo – this was an innovating concept in 1989. But unsigned rock bands do not have any money and when that idea didn’t pay the bills, and the freelancing as a video camera operator, grip, gaffer, and production assistant for other music videos and projects had dried up a couple of years into the next decade I had to get another job!

Ever Feel Like Something’s Missing?

Already knowing that film was the only place I could tell my stories that were a lot longer than the 4 minutes of a typical song I kept the hope that I would make it. But my job got more and more of my time as I moved from low on the totem pole up into management spending 14-16 hours days over two offices. Success was nice but I was missing something. This was in 1994 and I finally got some time on a Saturday to see a matinee that I found out later was from a new filmmaker and titled, “Pulp Fiction”! It blew me away and reminded me of what it was that despite the success I had a major void in my life. So I ended up quitting that job and began writing a short film I wanted to produce. I got a job with another company but as a regular hourly employee so after my 8 were done I had the energy and time to pursue what I really wanted to do in life! And as I was about to go into production on April 1, 1995 I fell down the staircase outside my brother’s apartment broke my back, crushed three vertebras, completely severed my spinal cord and left me as a paraplegic survivor. The new job I accepted in place of my salaried management position – had no insurance and I had no independent medical, disability or life insurance. I immediately lost everything – my condo in the Arts District of east Dallas, all my savings and money before I was even released out of the hospital.  

Fortunately, I remembered what gave me life just before this life changing accident and it is what gave me the strength, hope and faith to continue to live life to the fullest despite this new reality and perspective from a wheelchair. When I went looking for some representation of people like myself in movies and television, I found very little and all of it was stereotypical and nearly all written, directed and acted by able bodied the same majority of the population who often cried in unison that they would rather die then to live as I do, paralyzed. But no matter they could still understand what it is like to be a paraplegic and authentically represent me in movies and television I say with all the sarcasm of a Don Rickles stand up routine! And since then I knew what I had to do and I dedicated my everything – which as I explained wasn’t much left – but my hope and faith in being a storyteller on film and since then, well see the first paragraph!       

Deep Concern

Hope and faith have waivered from time to time in the past but now here in 2008, I wonder if it is wavering or fading. I have never given up hope that I was going to be what it was that I wanted to be! In the past I would spend months on an idea or dream and develop it to where I could present it and if it didn’t work out then I moved on to the next. It culminated into what it is that I really am all about and even if I never get the recognition, support or acceptance from Hollywood, I AM AND WILL DIE a filmmaker, a storyteller on film and an entrepreneurial business man. All of this I have committed to for the past 12+ years. Every time I got to where it seemed like it wouldn’t work out, I found the reasons for it and then developed an answer so it would work out. This has gone on and on to where I am now – I have the answers to everything, every objection, every question about making a commercially viable film from an authentic voice and representation of those who like myself are paralyzed or have a disAbility of some kind that would break the stereotypes and help end the discrimination of those with a disAbility in Hollywood. Wow, when I think about it that is a lot all in one package, huh?

• Commercially viable
• Authentic Voice
• Authentic Representation
• Non-stereotypical
• And help end the blatant industry wide discrimination of those with a disAbility!

Whew! There is dreaming and there pie in the sky dreaming. Yeah, but you give me 5 minutes and I will hook you into the next 25 to explain exactly how I can do it and it will make complete sense when I am through! Ask any questions and if it wasn’t already answered in the presentation – well, hell it was covered I would just restate it or rephrase it to be understood! Don’t worry I won’t make you feel like a dumb shit for asking – in fact I welcome questions and objections because I love sharing what I have silently uncovered, created and overcome through personal trials over the past several years and now give an answer that is not only reasonable but makes such good sense that you will feel like a light just went on and wonder why nobody thought of that before! Fact is somebody probably has but because the industry of motion pictures and television is so difficult to get into – to get their attention to even be able to present it – they have either quit trying or feared it too much to start it. I haven’t but I am running out of options.

The Establishment

Sometimes I wonder what makes me think I could do something so big as it would change Hollywood, change American Cinema forever – hell I cannot even get you to comment in my blog or my new guest book. And that, along with not a single glimpse from anyone in Hollywood after all these years and attempts is why I am wondering for the first time – worrying really – that my hope and faith of this dream that would affect millions and millions of people would become a reality, is actually fading instead of wavering. Almost 13 years since becoming paralyzed and seeing the void and wanting to provide a solution that everyone from the making of to audience would be happy to see in movies and television representing those who were like me and dealing with a disAbility every day, every single moment of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year, of every decade, of every life that has been affected by a disAbility.

Yet despite all that I have been through, endured, and overcome and just when I thought I have finally gotten over all the obstacles to make this happen – my last obstacle is by far the biggest challenge so far has been Hollywood itself. I cannot seem to get anyone to look past my wheelchair and into the person. Into the work I have done to do what they hate to admit have not been able to do – provide an authentic voice and representation of a non-stereotypical film that features a character with a disAbility in a commercially viable movie or television program. Hell most do not even think about it – and when they do they don’t think it is a problem – or if it is that there are diversity programs that handle that so they don’t have to. Yet as I have proven – most in the industry do not think a disAbility is a minority and those that do, still do not provide a substantial program to help. If they did – I ask one question – where are the Hollywood supported authentic voiced and represented, non-stereotypical movies that either are or are not commercially successful?

Yeah, I know – they don’t exist. I have spent 12+ years looking for them and while some of them have some of the elements or partial elements, none have all three as detailed on the website and is required to be commercially viable. Instead of waiting on someone else I have created them myself and I can prove it if I could just get past the damn receptionists, assistants, and staff members to a real producer in Hollywood.

Fear of the Unknown and Unproven?

Is there something here – something anywhere on my website or blog that you do not believe is the truth. Why don’t you ask me? Challenge me? What are you afraid of? The truth? Oh, I would so love to discuss it with you, to the have the opportunity to prove it you – to anyone – to everyone! But maybe nobody cares that those with a disAbility does not have a voice, and honest and authentic voice – hell we barely have any representation and what little we do have is nearly all represented by able bodied writers, directors, and actors whose perspective of what it must be like to be paralyzed or have a disAbility of any kind is based and influenced by previous films and television programs of those with a disAbility that were also written, directed and performed by able bodied individuals. Able bodied teaching able bodied what it is like to be paralyzed or have a disAbility! Even when the material is based on the real life of a person with a disAbility, or they producers pay to have a consultant who has the same or similar disAbility on the set, it is still up for interpretation of the able bodied artist. Regardless of how good they were, or how well intended they were – they are still not my voice or my representatives in today’s entertainment. And motion pictures and television are often the face, the cultural representatives of a people, a profession, a subgroup, a minority. When do we get the opportunity to represent ourselves?

So what is the next step?

Just like all the previous obstacles that I encountered and found a way to get over it, under it, around it, or in some cases I have demolished them, created the answers to make them disappear. But most of them I have done silently and unnoticed because despite my efforts the industry has not seen any of my work, my screenplays, or my business plan. As I mentioned before, just getting Hollywood’s attention to what the problem is, let alone what I have to solve it, is by far the largest obstacle and most difficult challenge I have been faced with. If my countless phone calls, letters, faxes, and emails have gone unnoticed, ignored and dismissed what the hell can I do to just get their attention?

Hope & Faith Revisited

What would a person who has spent years and become desperate or nearing desperation because despite overcoming objections and obstacles he has not gotten any results, any attention, any consideration? Well if I cannot get Hollywood’s attention, I will have to bring the attention to Hollywood! Sounds a little frightening, huh? Especially when you hear – “oh, he was the most mild tempered person on our street”, or “he was always optimistic, positive, a real inspiration to everyone.” All of that is true and yet I can assure you that I am the most scared. I have banked everything, this past year on this happening. I thought for sure I would get someone’s attention now that I have a polished plan that includes the material necessary to be a brighter future for an entire segment of the population. But as the months passed one after the other, I now find myself in debt without a job and my only income is meager $679 a month form Social Security Disability Insurance.

I have awakened every morning with the hope that this would be the day I would get someone’s attention. That this would be the day that:

• Michael Barker and/or Tom Bernard will take my call despite the numerous previous attempts when the receptionist would come back with –“I’m sorry they are both in a meeting. Would you like to leave a message?” or maybe that this will be the day that they will call me back after I have left the countless messages that included the recommendation from a previous COO and CFO of another Sony Entertainment division.

• That the next person on my list to contact or re-attempt to contact will take my call, read my letter, fax, email, or accept my invite to visit my website

• Consider what I have to add to American Cinema

• Hope they would care about the stereotypes and the blatant discrimination of those that make up the largest and fastest growing minority, the 56 million Americans with a disAbility

• Care enough to act and not just acknowledge this is a terrible injustice and then wish me good luck

Everyday I wake up and hope it will be the day that will be the first real step in a door that could help launch this dream that is much bigger then me and as I mentioned affects millions of Americans, the 25% of all American households that have a person with a disAbility including all of their family members and friends who would want to see themselves and their loved ones with a disAbility being recognized as meaningfully participants of our culture, our society instead of being pitied and brushed off as insignificant people.

Nearly 100 and Counting

I have a database of 93 people I have contacted in Hollywood and that I have awakened every morning to put my hope and faith in that they will give me just a minute of their time to honestly consider any part of what I have created. To consider supporting in ways that can be as little as writing a mere sentence of their support – to say that they believe this is a good cause – to sending what they have discovered on my website or in my letter or my email, voice mail, or fax to someone they think might be able to help – to the producer or executive who would provide me a fair and equal opportunity with an invite to present what I have and is something that can be a permanent solution to the Hollywood history of a common practice of ignoring, dismissing, repressing the authentic voices and representation, the stereotypes and discrimination imposed by the industry. Whomever it is that does give me a chance and look at what I offer, I will be so pleased that they will be known as ones that played a significant part in what American Cinema history will record as a “turning point” for those with a disAbility on both sides of the camera.

Everyday hoping and believing that it would be the day I could get the slightest bit of a glance from someone within the Hollywood club. Do you know what it is like to hope for something so hard and for so long that you do not know how or what else to hope for? To do it for a dozen years and every night be disappointed and yet keep the faith – tomorrow will be the day – and tomorrow comes and you continue to go without any recognition from those you are trying to merely get the attention of. Feel like it might all be useless especially when it seems like you are just being ignored – dismissed as not important – not even have the decency to have James Cameron or one of his staff members say that he has looked at it and doesn’t think it will fly! Maybe they are so afraid to find out that there is no reason why it would not work – or why it would not at least be a worthy risk to try – and then because of the traditional practices of Hollywood, say they will not take the chance! “Oh, but good luck with that, it sounds like a great idea.”

I don’t care what the reason is anymore. I am tired of going through this every day. I will have to bring the attention to Hollywood and they will be forced to pay attention then to this issue, admit it is important, and needs to be more then just addressed by a committee or given some PC gesture of an outreach program that only accepts the application and resume of those with a disAbility with an out stretched hand and given the all to common Hollywood lie, “We’ll call you!”

Last Hope

ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD – Attention is my last hope of making my dream come alive. I am very much out of time and out of money. Just like the position I was in after my accident and while in the hospital, hope and faith is all I have left. I have given this my all and after nearly 13 years of work, creation, sacrificing, disappointment, rejection and keeping a smile on my face while staying positive every day that this would be the day and as I mentioned above I cannot be sure that this hope and faith that has been something I have had on occasion to dig deep to find every morning, and after a day of disappointments keep every night, I am very concerned that it isn’t merely wavering again and instead is quickly fading. Getting Hollywood’s attention is all I can do after completing all that I have and showcase on my website. If nobody in the industry will give me 5 minutes of attention, I will have to bring a lot of attention to Hollywood. As I mentioned before including the blog entry titled, "What's Up Doc..umentary?" that it would include a documentary film of my journey and naming the names of who I am calling, who I have already called and attempted to contact from my database of nearly 100 members of the Hollywood club while pointing the camera at Hollywood and it would also include organizing protests with disAbility rights and advocates, mobilizing the actors, performers, artists with a disAbility currently trying to work and dream in Hollywood, and make sure the entertainment news media is very aware of all of our activities! I have to get their attention to a permanent solution and groundbreaking inclusion of our authentic voices and representation that will change American Cinema forever. One step at a time and I can assure you, you will not be disappointed. If you worked this hard and this long, to the point where I am now, what would you do?

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